Overwhelmed by impatience; reading letters
from him, time has stopped, minutes take hours
and hours take ages to pass, I can’t wait anymore,
I can’t stand the noise of the clock and the sound
of my nieces’ voices, I can’t listen to uncle slurping
tea and music from the TV, I can’t wait for the sun
to rise and then to set again; I can’t listen to mouths
chewing and footsteps in the passage; I can’t stand
calls to the dogs and trucks coming and going; I
can’t stand lights switching on and the moon rising;
I can’t stand preparing meals and then eating then
cleaning; I’ve passed my ability to be calm and
content; I can’t wait any more; I can’t remain in
my skull; I can’t be me anymore, can’t sit quietly,
can’t listen to my own thoughts; all that remains
to break this chain suffocating me, tightening
around my neck, is to cry; all I can do is seek relief
in tears; abandoning myself to sobbing away my
grief and my fears; I’m growing hysterical – I can’t
wait anymore, I can’t wait, I can’t and I won’t and
I need to get away; to run to a place where I can be
alone and the silence is complete; I need to conjure
a vision of his face and meet him in my dreams;
I can’t breathe and live on; I’m going to run and
run and run until it is quiet and I’m on my own;
please let me see him again, please bring him to
me, please; I’m going mad with impatience, please,
I need to be with him, I cannot live without him…
Louise Tredoux
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/i-cannot-live-without-him/
