It’s ten past two, I’m not doing very well,
Day one of the diet, I’m in calorie hell.
Cal counting, carbs and fat intake,
I’m beginning to think this was a mistake.
The fight against cravings is driving me insane,
Who’d know healthy eating would be this much of a pain?
Carols size ten arse has just walked in,
With a tray of tea and a biscuit tin.
She then politely declined the sweet taste of a bourbon,
She’d probably prefer to dip celery, the moron.
It’s Friday and my turn to bring in the cakes,
I sit and stare as they’re wolfed down by rakes.
Refuse even a bite, then they tell me they’re proud,
They don’t know I scoffed two when no one was around.
I’m feeling bad now, like I’ve cheated myself,
For that moment of heaven I’ve jeopardised my health.
I’ll balance it by avoiding the booze this weekend,
Yeah, because that wont drive me around the bend.
Well, it’s weigh day, it’s my turn soon,
Once again, I am the fattest in the room,
“Two pounds on dear, how’d you manage that? ”
Because I’ve not had a shit yet, you skinny tw@!
I’ll start again Monday, With a fresh clear mind,
And work once again on shrinking my behind.
I’ll get there eventually, it’ll just take time,
I wont always be a villain of the cake eating crime.
As God as my witness, I will be thin,
Just as soon as I kill Carol with that bloody biscuit tin.
lindsey ashton
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/does-my-bum-look-big-in-this-2/
